Jun 08
29
Autism Special
Autism, special needs, and the benefit of a circle of friends – Pt 1
Everyone knows that parenting is not easy.
In an ideal world you have your children and hopefully raise them so they become responsible young adults who make their own way in the world. Of course, there are steps that are difficult, but usually everyone comes out acceptable in the end, and although you worry you always hope your children will finally be able to handle themselves
However, for parents of children with special needs special is a whole different story. This is a huge responsibility, which is never easy and can consume families.
My son is autistic. I am convinced he was not born that way. The first year of his life was wonderful and we were a "normal" family if such a thing.
However, things started to become very difficult when he developed autism and life has changed for everyone. The things we had, hitherto, has been taken for granted, now become a major topic. There was no such thing as just "drown in a" shop or spontaneously, going for a walk, dropping to a friend or go for a meal. Everything had to be carefully planned and organized in advance with things a backup plan incase went wrong, they still do.
As a result we have tended to stop going out with family. Frankly it was easier to stay home. On very rare occasions, we have been invited to make excuses I do not go there. This was partly due to fear of what might happen, but also because I felt that I would nothing to contribute to any conversation. My whole life seems to be consumed with autism and its consequences.
The problem also was autism was the life of one consumes and my other son has suffered terribly. Not only must live with the strange behavior unpredictable his young brother on a daily basis basis, but also its ability to join in its activities have been reduced by peers. As much as he hates to admit it, I know that his brother sometimes embarrassed, and children can be very cruel. His childhood was not as happy as he should have been.
As I said having children is not easy and if you are a parent of any kind at all, requires changes your lifestyle, and usually develops friendships different. This is natural and many new relationships are formed at the school gate, or extracurricular activities where you get to meet other parents.
However, this is not always the case for parents of children with special needs, and often instead of their children by offering them a wider circle of friends, the result is quite the contrary. Depending on the disability, and the location school, many children will have transportation provided. As such their parents may never have the opportunity to meet other people in the same position.
In addition, again depending on the disability, there can be no activity outside the school where the child can participate, and therefore no opportunity to meet new people. If you couple with the fact that most parents of children with special needs often lose touch with their original "friends", it can be a very lonely and isolated existence.
My son has been extremely difficult child to manage for many years. It has changed and is very quiet now, but I still bear the mental scars of a nightmare when all outputs I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. This is my other son. We never really went anywhere good, and my eldest son not much on its own or with someone else. It was simply too difficult to organize anything.
If we went at all it was "safe" places where I felt quite comfortable and not too far from my son Incase autism has given me much trouble. Also, I am geographically challenged to a poor sense of direction to have to really concentrate on driving and my son was a little unpredictable to say the least intimidating. We went to the quiet moments when there were not too many people around, or the weather was bad. I can hardly describe them as "fun" times.
However, as my son got older, became smarter and easier to manage, it became clear he wanted to make a greater variety of things, and leave during the day not in the middle of the night. (For fun – I never been so bad even though we have been known to shop for food in the early hours of the morning). He wanted and needed to participate in the nature of the activities enjoyed by its peers.
However, with an age gap of 34 years, I'm probably not the best person to give him the "fun" time he has missed all these years. Therefore, his circle of friends is so fantastic.
For those of you who do not know, a circle of friends are a group of volunteers who are willing and able to spend a few hours each month (on a regular basis) to the person with special needs, and provide opportunities for that person to have fun doing things he or she likes to do. It was a little bite, but it just means that the "special" person has people to spend time with the outside of his or her immediate family – something many people with disabilities have not.
If you have a child with special needs special, I recommend you look into the possibility of creating one yourself. It is not difficult and can transform lives, or perhaps you want to be in a circle and help someone else. Everyone needs friends.
About the Author
Jean Shaw writes articles and books on autism and mercury poisoning. For more information see http://www.jeanshaw.com
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